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  1. #1
    Senior Member Scorcho's Avatar
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    parenthood ...

    Is there anything more uncomfortable than watching your son or daughter suffer for their own mistakes? As proud as you can be for your kids successes and accomplishments, when they falter it is soul crushing for them and you. I want so badly to take away my daughters pain, but ...

    Ugh, sorry for constantly using this forum as my own sounding board I just needed a place to unload and get rid of some of my own mental anguish.

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Scorcho View Post
    Is there anything more uncomfortable than watching your son or daughter suffer for their own mistakes? As proud as you can be for your kids successes and accomplishments, when they falter it is soul crushing for them and you. I want so badly to take away my daughters pain, but ...

    Ugh, sorry for constantly using this forum as my own sounding board I just needed a place to unload and get rid of some of my own mental anguish.
    I can only imagine. My kids are still younger than 10 years of age, so I haven't experienced too much of this.

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    Senior Member Scorcho's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wally View Post
    I can only imagine. My kids are still younger than 10 years of age, so I haven't experienced too much of this.
    I think there's a GIF that has an older guy all excitedly waving his hands with the caption, "It's Coming" If I could find it, I'd place it here.

    My dad gave me some words of wisdom, he said the older your kids get the more you worry about them. Thanks Dad.

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    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    parenthood ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Scorcho View Post
    Is there anything more uncomfortable than watching your son or daughter suffer for their own mistakes? As proud as you can be for your kids successes and accomplishments, when they falter it is soul crushing for them and you. I want so badly to take away my daughters pain, but ...

    Ugh, sorry for constantly using this forum as my own sounding board I just needed a place to unload and get rid of some of my own mental anguish.
    When I called my late mother in-law after our first was born, I was all pumped up and giddy. She was the mother of six kids. She laughed and said, "Congratulations! Now you'll never stop worrying for the rest of your life!"

    He is now 28 and we are still worrying, about him and the other two as well.
    Last edited by LA Ute; 08-06-2014 at 11:12 PM.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    "Nine tenths of wisdom consists of being wise in time."
    --Theodore Roosevelt


  5. #5
    Senior Member Scorcho's Avatar
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    My daughter is having a brutal summer. She is learning some tough life lessons. Today she was at her best friends house and came across a IM conversation between her best friend and another girl. The conversation was about my daughter and was pretty brutal. My daughter is devastated.

    As a parent, the only thing I could think to say is I'm sorry.

    sigh ....

  6. #6
    This post could be placed here or in the "What I Learned in Church Today..." thread.

    I walked into priesthood meeting on sunday to see the following written on the chalkboard:

    "The most important things you can do as a parent"

    1. Read scriptures every day (with children)
    2. Pray every day (with children)
    3. FHE weekly
    4. Attend church weekly.

    Then we had a discussion on why these are the most important aspects of parenting.

    Huh? These things might not hit the top ten in my world. I've seen plenty of terrific parents that don't do a single one of these things, and plenty of bad parents that do every one of these things.

    What about things like exercising love liberally with your children....i.e. 1. tell them you love them daily 2. show them you love them daily (hugs, kisses, snuggles etc...) and 3. do something kind for each child individually daily. Maybe throw in some kindness, empathy, patience & reasonable boundaries and I think you've got a pretty good parent. It'd be difficult to be a good parent without those qualities.

    I admit my list and the priesthood list aren't mutually exclusive, but it struck me as odd that the lesson focused on those aspects as being of greatest importance, as opposed to universally accepted qualities of parenting. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised given the venue however.
    “Children and dogs are as necessary to the welfare of the country as Wall Street and the railroads.” -- Harry S. Truman

    "You never soar so high as when you stoop down to help a child or an animal." -- Jewish Proverb

    "Three-time Pro Bowler Eric Weddle the most versatile, and maybe most intelligent, safety in the game." -- SI, 9/7/15, p. 107.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    ...."Congratulations! Now you'll never stop worrying for the rest of your life!"

    He is now 28 and we are still worrying, about him and the other two as well.
    Amen, brother. Amen.
    “Children and dogs are as necessary to the welfare of the country as Wall Street and the railroads.” -- Harry S. Truman

    "You never soar so high as when you stoop down to help a child or an animal." -- Jewish Proverb

    "Three-time Pro Bowler Eric Weddle the most versatile, and maybe most intelligent, safety in the game." -- SI, 9/7/15, p. 107.

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    Senior Member Scorcho's Avatar
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    I thought this was some incredible insight ...

    How do I deal with watching my child suffer?

    You are discovering a new depth of love through suffering, no doubt. I used to think that Jesus’ role was much more difficult to endure than the Father’s. He was in the relative “safety” of heaven as He watched His Son suffer. But, having to stand helplessly by and watch my own sons suffer has changed all that thinking. As you have discovered through your child’s suffering, you would change places with them in a moment, for a lifetime! So would the Father. But He could not. You cannot. You must just wait…watch…and suffer, too. But your suffering is different from your child’s, perhaps even deeper. I guess there is no other way to mature into this than through the pathway you, and we, have traveled. Though the pathway is not pleasant and the scenery sometimes seems more than we can bear, thank God by His grace we have grown better instead of bitter as we’ve traveled it.

    http://www.lifetime.org/2011/05/how-...-child-suffer/

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    relief ... this past week I noticed / realized some great growth for my daughter over her struggles this summer. It's becoming more clear to see there was a purpose in the trials she was given. Sorry to dominate this thread, but that is the first time I've experienced that as a parent.

    The end result was a net positive, but the beginning and middle were long suffering and pain.

  10. #10
    Scorcho, Glad to hear that things are trending positive for your daughter.

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    Senior Member Scorcho's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sullyute View Post
    Scorcho, Glad to hear that things are trending positive for your daughter.
    Thank you

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    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scorcho View Post
    relief ... this past week I noticed / realized some great growth for my daughter over her struggles this summer. It's becoming more clear to see there was a purpose in the trials she was given. Sorry to dominate this thread, but that is the first time I've experienced that as a parent.

    The end result was a net positive, but the beginning and middle were long suffering and pain.
    Good news. It seems like every time one of my kids goes through such an experience I suffer for them. Then, after things calm down and the crisis has passed, I remember that I survived similar trials myself. Then I forget again by the time the next crisis arrives.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    "Nine tenths of wisdom consists of being wise in time."
    --Theodore Roosevelt


  13. #13
    My HS junior daughter missed the first 3 days of seminary last week. We asked her about it last weekend and I could tell she was holding back. I could tell she was struggling with the church, its culture and her testimony. She's always known I've been irreverent with my attitude towards different aspects of the church -- little things like raising the right hand to thank or welcome someone, taking the sac with right hand, white shirts, sweaters for prom dresses, etc…. When I opened up about my doubts and struggles on doctrinal aspects, she asked my wife to leave so she could talk privately….and the floodgates opened. She sobbed and sobbed. Turns out she didn't want to disappoint us and felt like she was alone on an island. Had a great 2 hour chat about things we could hold onto and not lose ground on, (Elder Holland's advice), and things that bothered us but in the scheme of things how much what bothered us really mattered?

    We decided we'd just go through this journey together and promise to try our best to endure till the end.

    It was a wonderful parenting moment.
    “Children and dogs are as necessary to the welfare of the country as Wall Street and the railroads.” -- Harry S. Truman

    "You never soar so high as when you stoop down to help a child or an animal." -- Jewish Proverb

    "Three-time Pro Bowler Eric Weddle the most versatile, and maybe most intelligent, safety in the game." -- SI, 9/7/15, p. 107.

  14. #14
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mUUser View Post
    My HS junior daughter missed the first 3 days of seminary last week. We asked her about it last weekend and I could tell she was holding back. I could tell she was struggling with the church, its culture and her testimony. She's always known I've been irreverent with my attitude towards different aspects of the church -- little things like raising the right hand to thank or welcome someone, taking the sac with right hand, white shirts, sweaters for prom dresses, etc…. When I opened up about my doubts and struggles on doctrinal aspects, she asked my wife to leave so she could talk privately….and the floodgates opened. She sobbed and sobbed. Turns out she didn't want to disappoint us and felt like she was alone on an island. Had a great 2 hour chat about things we could hold onto and not lose ground on, (Elder Holland's advice), and things that bothered us but in the scheme of things how much what bothered us really mattered?

    We decided we'd just go through this journey together and promise to try our best to endure till the end.

    It was a wonderful parenting moment.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    "Nine tenths of wisdom consists of being wise in time."
    --Theodore Roosevelt


  15. #15
    Senior Member Scorcho's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mUUser View Post
    My HS junior daughter missed the first 3 days of seminary last week. We asked her about it last weekend and I could tell she was holding back. I could tell she was struggling with the church, its culture and her testimony. She's always known I've been irreverent with my attitude towards different aspects of the church -- little things like raising the right hand to thank or welcome someone, taking the sac with right hand, white shirts, sweaters for prom dresses, etc…. When I opened up about my doubts and struggles on doctrinal aspects, she asked my wife to leave so she could talk privately….and the floodgates opened. She sobbed and sobbed. Turns out she didn't want to disappoint us and felt like she was alone on an island. Had a great 2 hour chat about things we could hold onto and not lose ground on, (Elder Holland's advice), and things that bothered us but in the scheme of things how much what bothered us really mattered?

    We decided we'd just go through this journey together and promise to try our best to endure till the end.

    It was a wonderful parenting moment.
    very nice mUUser, I found it very difficult to let my daughter make her own choices when I knew what was best for her

    It's a tough lesson to realize they are their own unique individuals and they are simply on lease to you for a short while.

  16. #16
    He who dares, wins. Damage U's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scorcho View Post
    As a parent, the only thing I could think to say is I'm sorry.

    sigh ....
    It sucks big time when that's all you got.
    I always have to lighten the mood when my kids come to me with the "so and so doesn't like me" problem. You give them a big hug and say Jesus still loves you though.
    Here is my dads advise to me once when I came home from school crying because someone said something mean about me. He asked me if what they said was true. I said, no.
    He replied "Then what are you crying about?" Thanks for the tough love dad! It actually has helped me throughout my life.

  17. #17
    This one is about father's. A study from a post doctoral fellow at the U....


    https://unews.utah.edu/study-of-sist...xual-behavior/
    “Children and dogs are as necessary to the welfare of the country as Wall Street and the railroads.” -- Harry S. Truman

    "You never soar so high as when you stoop down to help a child or an animal." -- Jewish Proverb

    "Three-time Pro Bowler Eric Weddle the most versatile, and maybe most intelligent, safety in the game." -- SI, 9/7/15, p. 107.

  18. #18
    thanks to all whom have shared in this thread. My oldest daughter just turned 12. For her birthday she and some friends went to do baptisms for the dead then came back and had a swim party. I am thinking she is great. Next day she is fighting with her mom about clothes. I know how to deal with my boys. Girls --- this is going to be a new adventure. Her sister is two years younger I would say there are going to be weeks that might not be pleasant .

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