This thread is awesome. Particularly helpful on Daylight Savings Monday - the mondayest of mondays.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/c..._a_laugh_every
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
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I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
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My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.
I said "40"
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Noah told all of the animals to "Go forth and multiply." Two snakes came up to him and said, "We cant, we're adders," so Noah built them a log table.
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I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
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I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.