Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 30 of 54

Thread: inappropriate interviews

  1. #1

    inappropriate interviews

    I am a non member and my wife is a member. Our children are raised Mormon. I am deeply concerned about our adolescent being asked any questions regarding her morality that involve disclosing personal information of any form.

    How do members here suggest I deal with this?

  2. #2
    It has been a long time but I don't ever recall being asked about my morality ever beyond the question in the temple recommend interview.

    My suggestion is if you are concerned about it perhaps you talk to her Bishop about it and express your feelings. My guess is he will respect your requests.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocker Ute View Post
    My suggestion is if you are concerned about it perhaps you talk to her Bishop about it and express your feelings. My guess is he will respect your requests.
    I second this advice, and plan on doing it myself when my kids get old enough.

  4. #4
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    15,568
    Quote Originally Posted by Viking View Post
    I am a non member and my wife is a member. Our children are raised Mormon. I am deeply concerned about our adolescent being asked any questions regarding her morality that involve disclosing personal information of any form.

    How do members here suggest I deal with this?
    We've always gone to the bishop and talked over with him how he intends to approach such matters. All of them (3 kids' worth of bishops) have welcomed the discussion and have been willing to work with us. I suggest that you consider that approach. Any bishop worth his salt wants to work with the parents in these situations. Keep in mind that older teens often will be willing to talk to their bishop about personal matters that they are too embarrassed to discuss with their parents, and in those cases the bishop is a good ally for parents to have. He can't disclose confidences but he can help your kid in cases when you can't because your kid has chosen not to involve you. Studies have shown that for active kids, as they approach adulthood their church leaders (Young Men, Young Women, bishops) have more influence over their religiously-related decisions than their parents. So you want those guys attuned to your wishes. All of this, of course, depends on how much trust and confidence you have in your bishop. With us, that has varied from bishop to bishop.
    Last edited by LA Ute; 03-10-2014 at 07:58 PM.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  5. #5
    I've been fortunate in that I don't recall ever having a bishop that wasn't a great guy and wouldn't welcome this kind of input from a parent. Just tell him what your wishes are, and I'd bet there's a 99% chance he'll strictly comply with your request....I don't imagine the typical bishop wants to take on more problems than he already has.
    “Children and dogs are as necessary to the welfare of the country as Wall Street and the railroads.” -- Harry S. Truman

    "You never soar so high as when you stoop down to help a child or an animal." -- Jewish Proverb

    "Three-time Pro Bowler Eric Weddle the most versatile, and maybe most intelligent, safety in the game." -- SI, 9/7/15, p. 107.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Viking View Post
    I am a non member and my wife is a member. Our children are raised Mormon. I am deeply concerned about our adolescent being asked any questions regarding her morality that involve disclosing personal information of any form.

    How do members here suggest I deal with this?
    Sorry, Viking, you are toast. All the advice on this page is great - in the United States. In Brazil, you probably have a former "crente" as your bispo, who asks about Coke in the temple recommend interview and frowns on dancing. I wish you luck.

  7. #7
    Talk to him before your child goes in for an interview. Sit in the interview with the child, or tell your child that you will be immediately outside the door and that she is to stand up and walk out if she feels uncomfortable about the line of questioning.

    The potential for abuse is just too great. The specific wording of the question they are supposed to ask is something like 'Do you live the law of chastity?'. But many kids, especially the very young youths, don't understand the word (and have no idea what it entails), and this is where some leaders can go off the reservation with their line of questioning. Pastors from nearly any other church would be horrified at the thought of asking such highly innapropriate questions of a teenager behind closed doors. Doubly so for a teenager of the opposite sex.

    My wife and I have decided that the LDS church will have absolutely zero power over our childrens' sexuality and have told the Bishop to avoid even asking the question. He is supportive of that.

  8. #8
    I'm not sure if you guys belong to the same church that I belong to. Bishops and Counselors to Bishops routinely conduct temple recommend interviews for teenagers going through the Temple for the first time (18 and 19 year olds) as well as for 12+ going to the Temple. A standard question in all of those interviews involves whether the person is morally clean. While the question can be asked in a very general way, it will be asked. Sometimes additional definition is added to make sure that the individual understands that being morally clean, in addition to avoiding sexual intercourse, means avoiding petting and oral sex. It has also been my experience that when those activities are involved, the repentance process typically involves the Bishop. I had a lot of experience with those activities as a youth and went through a significant process to go on a mission that involved my speaking to Bishop, Stake President and General Authority. Although I was not asked to describe my activities in graphic detail, I was asked to tell what I had done. The process was not embarrassing and was generally quite helpful. Now, I might have felt different if I was a girl. My two daughters have also had their share of issues. What they have shared with me about the process has generally been positive. The one negative experience occurred when my 25 year old daughter had some significant issues. Her Bishop was new to the job and I think he was simply not prepared for dealing with those types of situations. My daughter moved from the area and stopped attending for a few years. I don't think that this was directly a result of the Bishop, but his response helped push her out the door as opposed to helping her back through it. This was at the same time as Prop 8 and she had serious issues with the means being used in San Diego to push the Church's position. She moved back to the same area about 4 years later and the guy was still Bishop. He saw her in the audience and approached her after the meeting. He apologized for his lack of empathy and understanding. He said that he had thought about her regularly for the past 4 years and was grateful that he had the opportunity to see her, learn that she is well and to apologize.

    I have never worried about a Bishop asking these questions inappropriately. Maybe I should have.

  9. #9
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    15,568
    Quote Originally Posted by UTEopia View Post
    I'm not sure if you guys belong to the same church that I belong to. Bishops and Counselors to Bishops routinely conduct temple recommend interviews for teenagers going through the Temple for the first time (18 and 19 year olds) as well as for 12+ going to the Temple. A standard question in all of those interviews involves whether the person is morally clean. While the question can be asked in a very general way, it will be asked. Sometimes additional definition is added to make sure that the individual understands that being morally clean, in addition to avoiding sexual intercourse, means avoiding petting and oral sex. It has also been my experience that when those activities are involved, the repentance process typically involves the Bishop. I had a lot of experience with those activities as a youth and went through a significant process to go on a mission that involved my speaking to Bishop, Stake President and General Authority. Although I was not asked to describe my activities in graphic detail, I was asked to tell what I had done. The process was not embarrassing and was generally quite helpful. Now, I might have felt different if I was a girl. My two daughters have also had their share of issues. What they have shared with me about the process has generally been positive. The one negative experience occurred when my 25 year old daughter had some significant issues. Her Bishop was new to the job and I think he was simply not prepared for dealing with those types of situations. My daughter moved from the area and stopped attending for a few years. I don't think that this was directly a result of the Bishop, but his response helped push her out the door as opposed to helping her back through it. This was at the same time as Prop 8 and she had serious issues with the means being used in San Diego to push the Church's position. She moved back to the same area about 4 years later and the guy was still Bishop. He saw her in the audience and approached her after the meeting. He apologized for his lack of empathy and understanding. He said that he had thought about her regularly for the past 4 years and was grateful that he had the opportunity to see her, learn that she is well and to apologize.

    I have never worried about a Bishop asking these questions inappropriately. Maybe I should have.
    I have never known of any inappropriate questions being asked, but then again, we've always known our bishops quite well. In a church as big as ours, I am not surprised that there have been incidents. Still, it's not something we have ever worried about.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Viking View Post
    I am a non member and my wife is a member. Our children are raised Mormon. I am deeply concerned about our adolescent being asked any questions regarding her morality that involve disclosing personal information of any form.

    How do members here suggest I deal with this?
    deleted
    Last edited by concerned; 03-11-2014 at 02:44 PM.

  11. #11
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    15,568
    In response to a question below about the nature of the interviews, how many there are, etc.:

    Apart from interviews for callings and young men's advancement in the priesthood (deacon to teacher to priest) and temple recommend interviews for doing baptisms, every youth is supposed to have an annual interview with the bishop and one at 6 months with the bishopric counselor assigned to their age group. (1st counselor: ages 14-16; 2nd counselor: ages 12-14. Bishop handles 16-18 age group.) From the Church Handbook of Instructions:

    Guidelines for Youth Interviews

    The bishop interviews each young man and young woman at least annually. If possible, he interviews each 16- and 17-year-old twice annually. If this is not possible, he assigns a counselor to conduct some of these interviews.

    Six months after the annual interview with the bishop, each young man and young woman ages 12 through 15 has an interview with the counselor in the bishopric who oversees the Aaronic Priesthood quorum or Young Women class.

    In large wards, bishops, acting with inspiration and wisdom, may adjust the frequency of interviews. Some youth may need added attention, while others may need less frequent interviews than are suggested, though all should be interviewed at least annually.

    Leaders encourage parents to stay close to their children and to counsel them, allowing the leaders to act in a supporting role.

    Interviews are excellent teaching opportunities and can be spiritual experiences for youth. Members of the bishopric should express love and listen carefully. They encourage youth to talk rather than doing most of the talking themselves.

    Matters for discussion include the growth of the young person’s testimony of Heavenly Father, the mission and Atonement of Jesus Christ, and the restored gospel. The importance of sustaining the President of the Church and other general and local Church leaders should also be discussed.

    Another matter for discussion is the importance of obeying the commandments, particularly:

    • Praying regularly in private and with the family, studying the scriptures, honoring parents, and paying a full tithing.
    • Being modest in dress and action, refraining from any kind of sexual activity, and refraining from viewing, reading, or listening to pornographic material.
    • Obeying the Word of Wisdom and refraining from using illegal drugs and misusing other substances.
    • Refraining from using the name of the Lord in vain and from using vulgar expressions and other degrading language.
    • Attending priesthood and sacrament meetings, participating in other Church meetings and activities, and fulfilling assignments given by quorum leaders or Young Women class presidency members.

    Members of the bishopric may want to refer to the scriptures, For the Strength of Youth, and True to the Faith during discussions about gospel principles and obeying the commandments.

    While interviewing young men, the bishopric member gives special attention to their preparation for a full-time mission (see 4.2). He discusses preparing spiritually by being worthy, studying the gospel, and building a testimony. He also discusses preparing physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Members of the bishopric should be sensitive to the circumstances under which young men are honorably excused from full-time missionary service (see 4.5.3).

    The bishop and his counselors encourage young women to support young men in accepting mission calls. Young women of eligible age who desire to serve a mission may do so, but they should not be pressured to serve (see 4.3.2).

    Members of the bishopric ensure that youth understand the blessings of temple covenants and temple marriage and the requirements for receiving these blessings.

    When interviewing a young man for priesthood ordination, the bishop or his assigned counselor discusses the blessings of holding the Aaronic Priesthood and the duties of the office to which the young man will be ordained, as revealed in Doctrine and Covenants 20:46–60 (see also Handbook 2, 8.1.1).

    In interviews with young men, the bishopric member emphasizes the importance of living the standards in For the Strength of Youth and accomplishing the purposes of the Aaronic Priesthood (see Handbook 2, 8.1.3). He evaluates the young man’s progress and encourages him.

    When interviewing a young woman, the bishopric member emphasizes the importance of incorporating the Young Women values and the standards in For the Strength of Youth in her daily living (see Handbook 2, 10.1.4 and 10.5). He also emphasizes the importance of completing the Personal Progress program. He evaluates the young woman’s progress and encourages her.

    When interviewing youth of seminary age, the bishopric member emphasizes the importance of regular attendance at seminary and the blessings that come from active participation.

    When discussing moral cleanliness, the bishop adapts the discussion to the understanding of the youth. He also ensures that the discussion does not encourage curiosity or experimentation.
    Now, bear in mind that the above is from the Handbook. I doubt it is followed perfectly most wards. I am a member of our ward bishopric and out interviews are pretty informal, in the nature of "How are things going?"
    Last edited by LA Ute; 03-11-2014 at 02:54 PM.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  12. #12
    Thanks, I guess. I had changed my mind about posting that, and deleted it, but you are too efficient. I do appreciate the information. My kids aren't to the age or point where it is an issue, but you never know. Our bishop is a great guy.

  13. #13
    When I was about 12 or 13 I was asked by a bishopric counselor whether I had a problem with 'self-abuse'. I answered in the affirmative, and he pressed for details. He asked me whether I masturbated. I didn't know the word so I asked him what it was. He gave me a brief clinical explanation of masturbation and why people do it (pull on the thing, stuff comes out, feel good). Then he asked me whether I understood what he meant by 'self abuse', and I nodded uncomfortably despite the fact that I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about and at the time didn't have any related desire. But the seed was planted.

    Then with great shame I explained that sometimes I would refuse to eat spinach and Brussels sprouts, even though they were good for me. And sometimes I would get upset and punch a wall. Those were the ways I 'abused' myself.

    He probably felt bad about it for a short while and never thought about it again, and we moved a few months later. But I am sure he never thought twice about the fact that he had taught a 13 yr old boy how to masturbate.

    That is a rare story if course, but if something like that happens to my kids I will break the guy's fucking kneecaps.

    I really want to see the church change the interview process entirely before a class-action lawsuit forces them to do it.

  14. #14
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    15,568
    Quote Originally Posted by NorthwestUteFan View Post
    When I was about 12 or 13 I was asked by a bishopric counselor whether I had a problem with 'self-abuse'. I answered in the affirmative, and he pressed for details. He asked me whether I masturbated. I didn't know the word so I asked him what it was. He gave me a brief clinical explanation of masturbation and why people do it (pull on the thing, stuff comes out, feel good). Then he asked me whether I understood what he meant by 'self abuse', and I nodded uncomfortably despite the fact that I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about and at the time didn't have any related desire. But the seed was planted.

    Then with great shame I explained that sometimes I would refuse to eat spinach and Brussels sprouts, even though they were good for me. And sometimes I would get upset and punch a wall. Those were the ways I 'abused' myself.

    He probably felt bad about it for a short while and never thought about it again, and we moved a few months later. But I am sure he never thought twice about the fact that he had taught a 13 yr old boy how to masturbate.

    That is a rare story if course, but if something like that happens to my kids I will break the guy's fucking kneecaps.

    I really want to see the church change the interview process entirely before a class-action lawsuit forces them to do it.
    What an astoundingly stupid thing to do. I think stories like yours are he reason the handbook instructions caution bishopric members not to do exactly what that guy did.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  15. #15
    Although I agree with LA and Concerned that most bishops are careful with the topic, Viking is asking about personal interviews in which his girls are asked to disclose personal information about morality. I would think that sort of discussion is par for the course when "discussing moral cleanliness."

  16. #16
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    15,568
    Quote Originally Posted by Applejack View Post
    Although I agree with LA and Concerned that most bishops are careful with the topic, Viking is asking about personal interviews in which his girls are asked to disclose personal information about morality. I would think that sort of discussion is par for the course when "discussing moral cleanliness."
    Fair enough. Everyone's experience is different, but behold, my opinion:

    It would take a real oddball bishopric member to go south with an interview in that way. If parents are concerned about whether that will happen, a talk with the bishop will suffice in 99% of cases. Above all, if parents are talking to their kids and have good relationships they will be the ones in control of what their kids learn about sex and how their kids react when ecclesiastical curveballs are thrown their way. Of all the threats facing Mormon kids these days, I'd put the bishopric near the bottom of the list.

    We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming....

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    Fair enough. Everyone's experience is different, but behold, my opinion: It would take a real oddball bishopric member to go south with an interview in that way. If parents are concerned about whether that will happen, a talk with the bishop will suffice in 99% of cases. Above all, if parents are talking to their kids and have good relationships they will be the ones in control of what their kids learn about sex and how their kids react when ecclesiastical curveballs are thrown their way. Of all the threats facing Mormon kids these days, I'd put the bishopric near the bottom of the list.We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming....
    My kids meet with the bishop now and again. He is a friend of our family. I have always assumed he was just bonding with them and showing interest in them. This thread has scared me to death. I had no idea they are being interrogated now. I assumed that didn't happen until you were much older to demonstrate worthiness to go on a mission get married in the temple etc. Now I wonder what he is asking them

  18. #18
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    15,568
    Quote Originally Posted by concerned View Post
    My kids meet with the bishop now and again. He is a friend of our family. I have always assumed he was just bonding with them and showing interest in them. This thread has scared me to death. I had no idea they are being interrogated now. I assumed that didn't happen until you were much older to demonstrate worthiness to go on a mission get married in the temple etc. Now I wonder what he is asking them
    I'll bet if you ask him he'll tell you. I can tell you that there is a big difference, in my experience, between the reality of local church administration and what is described in the Church Handbook of Instructions. When we interview the youth it is for just the reasons you cite -- to bond with them, show interest, help them feel supported. These are not intended to be probing interviews. The whack job who interviewed NWUF was so far out of bounds I struggle to find words to describe my feelings about it.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    I'll bet if you ask him he'll tell you. I can tell you that there is a big difference, in my experience, between the reality of local church administration and what is described in the Church Handbook of Instructions. When we interview the youth it is for just the reasons you cite -- to bond with them, show interest, help them feel supported. These are not intended to be probing interviews. The whack job who interviewed NWUF was so far out of bounds I struggle to find words to describe my feelings about it.
    I think NWU's bishop is a real outlier. I've heard a lot of crazy bishop stories and I believe most of them, but they are truly the exception. BUT, isn't it standard operating procedure that if a teenager has "crossed the line" so to speak, that you confess it to the bishop? I mean, there is not really a way around it, is there? I think that is what Viking is worried about, not the crazy pervert bishop.

  20. #20
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    15,568
    Quote Originally Posted by Applejack View Post
    I think NWU's bishop is a real outlier. I've heard a lot of crazy bishop stories and I believe most of them, but they are truly the exception. BUT, isn't it standard operating procedure that if a teenager has "crossed the line" so to speak, that you confess it to the bishop? I mean, there is not really a way around it, is there? I think that is what Viking is worried about, not the crazy pervert bishop.
    The bishop is one thing, but this was a counselor, if I am understanding NWUF correctly. The guy's behavior was inexcusable, IMO.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  21. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    The bishop is one thing, but this was a counselor, if I am understanding NWUF correctly. The guy's behavior was inexcusable, IMO.
    You're not suggesting that a bishop doing the same thing would be justified, right?

  22. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    ...Of all the threats facing Mormon kids these days, I'd put the bishopric near the bottom of the list....

    I'd agree with this but it is still a threat that needs to be considered on some level. Personally, I'm not too concerned with my current bishop as I'm sure he isn't the kind of guy to dig for details.

    Frankly however, I'm stunned the church still allows an adult male to have a private one-on-one interview, behind closed doors, with a teenage kid. Blows my mind.
    “Children and dogs are as necessary to the welfare of the country as Wall Street and the railroads.” -- Harry S. Truman

    "You never soar so high as when you stoop down to help a child or an animal." -- Jewish Proverb

    "Three-time Pro Bowler Eric Weddle the most versatile, and maybe most intelligent, safety in the game." -- SI, 9/7/15, p. 107.

  23. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by mUUser View Post
    I'd agree with this but it is still a threat that needs to be considered on some level. Personally, I'm not too concerned with my current bishop as I'm sure he isn't the kind of guy to dig for details.

    Frankly however, I'm stunned the church still allows an adult male to have a private one-on-one interview, behind closed doors, with a teenage kid. Blows my mind.
    With all of the two deep leadership stuff they already do, we can't be too far from a policy change on this can we?
    “It only ends once. Anything that happens before that is just progress.”

    Well, because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

  24. #24
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    15,568

    inappropriate interviews

    Quote Originally Posted by Applejack View Post
    You're not suggesting that a bishop doing the same thing would be justified, right?
    Not at all. But I think 99% of bishops have spent a little time conscientiously studying what they are supposed to do and what the boundaries are. The doofus who dealt with NWUF was acting brainlessly. A bishop doing that would simply be derelict in his duties.
    Last edited by LA Ute; 03-12-2014 at 10:20 AM.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  25. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    I can tell you that there is a big difference, in my experience, between the reality of local church administration and what is described in the Church Handbook of Instructions.
    This is my issue. Each leader does it slightly different than another and as a parent I simply just don't know what to expect. That is why I will be speaking with the Bishop when that time comes or accompanying my kids in their interviews (at least during the early teen years).

  26. #26
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    15,568
    Quote Originally Posted by DrumNFeather View Post
    With all of the two deep leadership stuff they already do, we can't be too far from a policy change on this can we?
    Not sure how to change this. How would it be done?

    Clergymen of all faiths have been giving one on one confidential counseling for a long time. Statistically I'll bet there are many more parents who screw up their kids than clergymen and women. For every kid who has a bad experience with a bishopric member there must be 1,000 whose lives have been improved -- in some cases significantly. My bishop during my teenage years is one of the most important people in my life.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  27. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by Viking View Post
    I am a non member and my wife is a member. Our children are raised Mormon. I am deeply concerned about our adolescent being asked any questions regarding her morality that involve disclosing personal information of any form.

    How do members here suggest I deal with this?
    My 14 year old daughter came home one Sunday and told me, "Dad I had an interview with the Bishop and he asked me if I was sexually active." That was the last straw for me. In what world is it ok for the old man living down the street in the Cul-De-Sac to ask my daughter in a one on one "interview" this question? Don't get me wrong, I think the guy is a decent dude who was just doing what he thought his job was as Bishop. But that's not the point. The point is it is never OK for this sort of question to be asked of my 14 year-old daughter by any neighbor, let alone a male adult.

    I can't fathom how the church doesn't recognize this is a problem.

    So tell the Bishop he's not allowed to interview your kids without you or your wife present.

  28. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    Not sure how to change this. How would it be done?

    Clergymen of all faiths have been giving one on one confidential counseling for a long time. Statistically I'll bet there are many more parents who screw up their kids than clergymen and women. For every kid who has a bad experience with a bishopric member there must be 1,000 whose lives have been improved -- in some cases significantly. My bishop during my teenage years is one of the most important people in my life.
    It's a challenge to be sure.

    I think one option would be to have an "opt in" type of deal where the youth and/or their parents can elect to have someone else in the room. Or, the bishop provides the list of questions in advance so that it is at least clear what will be asked. I mean, they kind of do that for children's baptism interviews right? Perhaps if the youth were to know in advance what certain morality questions "meant" then there would be less confusion/misunderstanding/explanation needed.
    “It only ends once. Anything that happens before that is just progress.”

    Well, because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

  29. #29
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    15,568
    Quote Originally Posted by Sullyute View Post
    This is my issue. Each leader does it slightly different than another and as a parent I simply just don't know what to expect. That is why I will be speaking with the Bishop when that time comes or accompanying my kids in their interviews (at least during the early teen years).
    This. The bishop is supposed to support and help you and your wife in raising your kids. Make him a member of the team.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  30. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by Two Utes View Post
    My 14 year old daughter came home one Sunday and told me, "Dad I had an interview with the Bishop and he asked me if I was sexually active." That was the last straw for me. In what world is it ok for the old man living down the street in the Cul-De-Sac to ask my daughter in a one on one "interview" this question? Don't get me wrong, I think the guy is a decent dude who was just doing what he thought his job was as Bishop. But that's not the point. The point is it is never OK for this sort of question to be asked of my 14 year-old daughter by any neighbor, let alone a male adult.

    I can't fathom how the church doesn't recognize this is a problem.

    So tell the Bishop he's not allowed to interview your kids without you or your wife present.
    This thread has predictably devolved to a point where paranoia and suspicion of motives is deemed wholly rational. I'm sure the guy from the Cul-De-Sac is nice, but you are likely right—dude's likely a pervert. After all, no one can be trusted to genuinely care about the physical, mental and spiritual well-being of another soul, except family. Parents especially are enough—they all ask the hard questions at the right time and I am confident every parent fulfills the full mandate of their parental responsibilities. Families don't need support, love or consideration—at least not from religion. Because if such is required, their's a community program to fill that need somewhere, I guess.

    Genuine caring and concern for others is never a problem. Fear and undue paranoia is.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •