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Thread: How Much Time Do You Waste Taking A Dump?

  1. #1

    How Much Time Do You Waste Taking A Dump?

    Lately I've been stuck in this routine of taking a shit shortly after getting to work, about 8:30 in the morning, and it takes me around a half hour to push it all out. The consitency is like a foamy rubber cement. Sticky, nasty stuff. My diet is well-balanced, I don't understand what the deal is. Any suggestions? I'm sick of wasting this much time, it leads to a very unproductive morning. Plus my legs go numb from sitting on the shitter too long.

  2. #2
    Increase your fiber.
    “Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
    André Gide

  3. #3
    Waste? Not a minute. It's the 15 mins a day of me time.

  4. #4
    0 - thanks to my iPhone.

  5. #5
    Banned
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    I had an old Gunnery Sergeant once that used to comment, that in his opinion... Sex was overrated, and that taking a healthy dump was highly underrated and was very satisfying.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Utah View Post
    Waste? Not a minute. It's the 15 mins a day of me time.
    Amen. With four kids and a wifey in the house, it is the only place that I can get 15 minutes of peace.

  7. #7
    As much time as I can.
    "Don't apologize; it's not your fault. It's my fault for overestimating your competence."

  8. #8
    Please feel free to use the precision offered by the Bristol Stool Chart in our future feces related conversations.
    192px-Bristol_stool_chart.svg.png

  9. #9
    My rule, keep ass firmly planted on the throne until at least one foot has fallen asleep. It's that simple.
    Last edited by 480ute; 03-01-2013 at 07:09 AM.

  10. #10
    Somewhat Useful Idiot SgtUte's Avatar
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    Metamucil daily as a fiber supplement. Works great and the clean-up is quick/easy!
    War UTAH!!!

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by SgtUte View Post
    Metamucil daily as a fiber supplement. Works great and the clean-up is quick/easy!
    I've spoken at length about this on utefans, but if you have not invested in a bidet yet you are missing out. Best purchase I've made in my 33 years.

  12. #12
    Somewhat Useful Idiot SgtUte's Avatar
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    Love a bidet, however can't plan on having one at various places throughout the day while I'm at work, which is where I'm getting paid to squat!
    War UTAH!!!

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Brian View Post
    Please feel free to use the precision offered by the Bristol Stool Chart in our future feces related conversations.
    192px-Bristol_stool_chart.svg.png
    For me, a number 4 almost every time. In and out in 2 minutes or less. Very little clean up.

    I used to suffer as many of you are describing. The trick is 1/2 gallon of water between 9 to 5, plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables to go with your protein. You'll be golden.
    Desse jeito, não tem jeito.

  14. #14
    I can't believe I read this thread. haha

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by LadyUte View Post
    I can't believe I read this thread. haha
    And you've always claimed that you're repulsed by this sort of talk. I call BS. No pun intended.
    Last edited by San Diego Ute Fan; 03-01-2013 at 10:41 AM.
    Desse jeito, não tem jeito.

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by San Diego Ute Fan View Post
    And you've always claimed that your repulsed by this sort of talk. I call BS. No pun intended.
    Only when EUf talks about it. He is disgusting. ha ha

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by LadyUte View Post
    I can't believe I read this thread. haha
    This thread was started by one of mooses many identities. He's had at least 4 on this board already. He's probably reading this right now.

  18. #18
    waste? none. utilize efficiently? i don't know, however long it takes for a laptop to singe off leg hair.

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Tacoma Ute View Post
    This thread was started by one of mooses many identities. He's had at least 4 on this board already. He's probably reading this right now.
    I should have known.

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Tacoma Ute View Post
    This thread was started by one of mooses many identities. He's had at least 4 on this board already. He's probably reading this right now.
    Then he gets a C- for the wasted potential between the moniker "Big Dave" and some alternative details he could have chosen for his story.

  21. #21
    Educating Cyrus wuapinmon's Avatar
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    It's my reading room.

  22. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by wuapinmon View Post
    It's my reading room.
    Wuap!!!!!!

    Sent from my MB865 using Tapatalk 2
    Da-da Da Da dahhh-ahhh! Screw the Y!

  23. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by wuapinmon View Post
    It's my reading room.
    "Don't apologize; it's not your fault. It's my fault for overestimating your competence."

  24. #24
    Living in the past ... FMCoug's Avatar
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    I have a wife and 4 teen / pre-teen daughters. The throne is my refuge!

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