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Thread: Random chat thread

  1. #121
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  2. #122
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    A Wise Doctor


    A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.


    The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?

    The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason, and it scares me."

    The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is
    getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your
    mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the
    room or goes to bed and falls asleep."

    Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor, looking fresh and reborn.

    The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband
    started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he
    calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

    The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick

  3. #123
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  4. #124
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    My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!"..... As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"

    "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

  5. #125
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    I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.

    She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

    I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."



    I went to the bar last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

    I said, "Nice legs."

    The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

    I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."



    I was in a pub Saturday night nursing a brew when I noticed two stout women at the bar.
    They both had strong accents, so I inquired, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

    One of them responded, "It's Wales, you friggin' idiot!"

    So, I immediately apologized and replied,
    "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

  6. #126
    has anyone had success with the 30 pin to lightning adapters for iphone5?
    There are a bunch on amazon, but they seem to get pretty bad reviews.....
    I have a TON of 30 pin cords, and I'd hate to buy them again at $30 per, or whatever price apple is offering.....

  7. #127
    Quote Originally Posted by Brian View Post
    has anyone had success with the 30 pin to lightning adapters for iphone5?
    There are a bunch on amazon, but they seem to get pretty bad reviews.....
    I have a TON of 30 pin cords, and I'd hate to buy them again at $30 per, or whatever price apple is offering.....
    I have the actual apple adapter. It works great.

    I bought a cheap non apple certified lighting cable. Worked for about a week.

    My apple certified stuff has been fine, be it adapters or actual cables

  8. #128
    Quote Originally Posted by Diehard Ute View Post
    I have the actual apple adapter. It works great.

    I bought a cheap non apple certified lighting cable. Worked for about a week.

    My apple certified stuff has been fine, be it adapters or actual cables
    I've had the same experience. Bought one for about 10 bucks that lasted about 2 months, then bought a couple of apple ones and they still work great.

  9. #129
    argh. ok, i'm a cheapskate. guess I have to pony up....

  10. #130
    Any clever ideas for valentine's day?
    I'm trying to be a little more creative than a reservation at a nice restaurant.....

  11. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian View Post
    Any clever ideas for valentine's day?
    I'm trying to be a little more creative than a reservation at a nice restaurant.....

  12. #132
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  13. #133
    Quote Originally Posted by Devildog View Post
    I'm all set. I'll let you know how it goes.

  14. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian View Post
    I'm all set. I'll let you know how it goes.
    Very good... you're welcome.

  15. #135
    Quote Originally Posted by Devildog View Post
    Very good... you're welcome.
    Thanks. I'll post some pictures a little later!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  16. #136
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Internet Trolls Really Are Horrible People

    Narcissistic, Machiavellian, psychopathic, and sadistic.

    In the past few years, the science of Internet trollology has made some strides. Last year, for instance, we learned that by hurling insults and inciting discord in online comment sections, so-called Internet trolls (who are frequently anonymous) have a polarizing effect on audiences, leading to politicization, rather than deeper understanding of scientific topics.



    That’s bad, but it’s nothing compared with what a new psychology paper has to say about the personalities of trolls themselves. The research, conducted by Erin Buckels of the University of Manitoba and two colleagues, sought to directly investigate whether people who engage in trolling are characterized by personality traits that fall in the so-called Dark Tetrad: Machiavellianism (willingness to manipulate and deceive others), narcissism (egotism and self-obsession), psychopathy (the lack of remorse and empathy), and sadism (pleasure in the suffering of others).



    It is hard to underplay the results: The study found correlations, sometimes quite significant, between these traits and trolling behavior. What’s more, it also found a relationship between all Dark Tetrad traits (except for narcissism) and the overall time that an individual spent, per day, commenting on the Internet....

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  17. #137
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    For tooblue:

    FS2vwvz.jpg



    CqDWr6N.jpg

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  18. #138
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post

  19. #139
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    The last one is wrong. 1) It's Detroit and 2) it's always real octopus

  20. #140
    Quote Originally Posted by Diehard Ute View Post
    The last one is wrong. 1) It's Detroit and 2) it's always real octopus
    Wasn't there a college basketball game where someone tossed a rat onto the court from the upper bowl?

  21. #141
    Administrator U-Ute's Avatar
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    A strange story in which the Cival War paused while two men fought with their fists.

    In the confused swirl of combat at Saunders Field, the fighting sometimes took on a peculiarly personal tone. John Worsham of the Twenty-first Virginia Infantry described one such encounter in his book, One of Jackson's Foot Cavalry.


    "Running midway across the little field was a gully that had been washed by the rains. In their retreat many of the enemy went into this gully for protection from our fire. When we advanced to it, we ordered them out and to the rear. All came out except one, who had hidden under an overhanging bank and was overlooked. When we fell back across the field, the Yankees who followed us to the edge of the woods shot at us as we crossed. One of our men, thinking the fire too warm, dropped into the gully for protection. Now there was a Yankee and a Confederate in the gully—and each was ignorant of the presence of the other!


    After awhile they commenced to move about in the gully, there being no danger so long as they did not show themselves. Soon they came in view of each other, and they commenced to banter. Then they decided that they would go into the road and have a regular fist and skull fight, the best man to have the other as his prisoner. While both sides were firing, the two men came into the road about midway between the lines of battle, and in full view of both sides around the field. They surely created a commotion, because both sides ceased firing! When the two men took off their coats and commenced to fight with their fists, a yell went up along each line, and men rushed to the edge of the opening for a better view! The 'Johnny' soon had the 'Yank' down; the Yank surrendered, and both quietly rolled into the gully. Here they remained until nightfall, when the 'Johnny' brought the Yankee into our line. In the meantime, the disappearance of the two men into the gully was the signal for the resumption of firing. Such is war!"

  22. #142
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    For anyone here unfamiliar with Tucker Max... here is a funny story. It is not safe for work (probably... I don't know where you work).

    You can click on the homepage at the upper left and it will explain Tucker to ya... If it doesn't sound like you will like him... you won't.

    http://www.tuckermax.com/stories/the...-donuts-story/

    6:00pm: Rich shows up at my place. I have not seen Rich in 7 years. He has put on at least 60 pounds of muscle. I am shocked at his size. He is with one of his friends, “Eddie.” They are both in an elite special operations unit that is shipping to the middle east in a few weeks. Eddie is Hispanic, tall, angry, and muscular. He looks around my apartment as if deciding what piece of furniture he wants to break first. I consider that perhaps this wasn’t a good idea.

    6:01: “So Tucker, I hear you finally learned how to drink a little bit?” Rich smiles at me. They have 2 cases of beer with them. I think maybe this is not such a bad idea after all.

    7:00: They tell me some of the best stories I have ever heard. Many are tales of clandestine and violent death brought upon unsuspecting international terrorists or stories of sex with third world hookers. I think that this was a good idea.

    7:05: We finish our first case.

    7:45: I tell them two of my best stories. They are in tears laughing. Eddie tells Rich that he was right, I am the funniest guy he’s ever met. I think that this was a great idea.
    Last edited by Devildog; 03-10-2014 at 02:48 PM.

  23. #143
    Malleus Cougarorum Solon's Avatar
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    I sent a fax this weekend for my father, who was trying to contact a company experiencing e-mail issues.
    My office suite has an old fax machine in the copy-room, so I volunteered to do it for him.

    After he e-mailed me the forms and I printed them out, I had to use the internet to look up the directions for sending a fax.

    σοφῷ ἀνδρὶ Ἑλλὰς πάντα.
    -- Flavius Philostratus, Life of Apollonius 1.35.2.

  24. #144
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Not great news for a pillar of the Utah economy:

    Fed 'Stress Test': 29 of 30 Banks Could Weather Shock; Zions Doesn't Meet Threshold

    The Federal Reserve’s annual test of big banks’ financial health showed the largest U.S. firms are strong enough to withstand a severe economic downturn, potentially clearing the way for banks to reward investors with dividends and stock buybacks.

    The Fed said 29 of the 30 largest institutions have enough capital to continue lending even when faced with a hypothetical jolt to the U.S. economy. One bank, Zions Bancorp, would fall below minimum capital level, the Fed said.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  25. #145
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    Not great news for a pillar of the Utah economy:
    I was employeed at First Security Bank in 1999 when Harris Simmons stuck a knife in Spence Eccles' back. I don't wish any harm to Zions Bank employees or customers, but I would love to see Zions Bank fail miserably.
    I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and said "I have good news. You have severely underestimated that door over there. By like a hundred percent." Demetri Marti

  26. #146
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    Not great news for a pillar of the Utah economy:
    I thought that was old news, or maybe it is just confirmation of an old rumor? Either way, I don't think anyone local is surprised with this information.

  27. #147
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sullyute View Post
    I thought that was old news, or maybe it is just confirmation of an old rumor? Either way, I don't think anyone local is surprised with this information.
    I just saw it in today's Wall Street Journal headline summary. It looked like something that would give Harris Simmons heartburn. (He is a serious Ute booster, by the way.)

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  28. #148
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    (He is a serious Ute booster, by the way.)
    Not as big as Uncle Spence
    I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and said "I have good news. You have severely underestimated that door over there. By like a hundred percent." Demetri Marti

  29. #149
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chrisrenrut View Post
    Not as big as Uncle Spence
    No doubt. He gives more to non-athletics projects.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  30. #150

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