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  1. #1
    Living in the past ... FMCoug's Avatar
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    I learned in Church today

    Let's get this sucker started here. For those not aware, this is another great old CUF thread. Mostly used to poke fun at things (i.e. crazy apocryphal stories, leaders drunk on power and doing dumb things, etc.) but with some occasional nuggets of good stuff in there too. Since it's open mic sunday tomorrow we should be able to get started off right!

    Stuff from other churches (i.e. not Mormon) are of course welcome too.

  2. #2
    Well, since I am going to church for the first time in about 5 weeks tomorrow, I'll pay extra attention.

  3. #3
    So far - it's now cool to wear a BYU tie and drop lines from songs during/in a baby blessing.

    2 - it's acceptable to nurse a baby while bearing your testimony.

  4. #4
    I might not have the best kids in the world, but I definitely don't have the worst.

  5. #5
    Uniform Fashion Expert HuskyFreeNorthwest's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Utah View Post
    I might not have the best kids in the world, but I definitely don't have the worst.
    I'm in te clubhouse with a 40 stroke lead, that green jacket is mine.

  6. #6
    Sweet. Glad to see this thread make it's way over.

    During missionary correlation this morning the stake mission president slipped a comment in that I can only hope was just unfortunate wording. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I'm still going to bring it here for your enjoyment.

    "He's Hispanic, but other than that, a total stand up guy."

    During the third hour, the EQ lesson was introduced as a sensiive topic which triggered my pornography alarm, but turned out that it was about finding balance between tolerance and taking moral stands. I waited the whole meeting expecting some great crazy comments but none came.

    Apparently all the crazy comments were reserved for relief society. My wife reported that in the middle of the lesson one of the sister interrupted with, "Let's be honest here. We're talking about gay marriage. The gays think that Prop. 8 was about the LDS church being hateful, but I can't think of a more out pouring of love than Prop. 8!"

  7. #7
    Educating Cyrus wuapinmon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dwight Schr-Ute View Post
    Sweet. Glad to see this thread make it's way over.

    During missionary correlation this morning the stake mission president slipped a comment in that I can only hope was just unfortunate wording. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I'm still going to bring it here for your enjoyment.

    "He's Hispanic, but other than that, a total stand up guy."

    During the third hour, the EQ lesson was introduced as a sensiive topic which triggered my pornography alarm, but turned out that it was about finding balance between tolerance and taking moral stands. I waited the whole meeting expecting some great crazy comments but none came.

    Apparently all the crazy comments were reserved for relief society. My wife reported that in the middle of the lesson one of the sister interrupted with, "Let's be honest here. We're talking about gay marriage. The gays think that Prop. 8 was about the LDS church being hateful, but I can't think of a more out pouring of love than Prop. 8!"
    Good Lord! It's a good thing I wasn't there. "WTF DOES THAT MEAN?" One thing I always scratched my head about was missionaries in the mission in Costa Rica making comments about "Mexicans." Being from Georgia, and a convert, I had tons to learn about Utah culture. After living there, I understand it, and it was probably an innocuous comment by someone who has never thought about racism in a meaningful way. But, my reaction would've jumpstarted that conversation.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by wuapinmon View Post
    Good Lord! It's a good thing I wasn't there. "WTF DOES THAT MEAN?" One thing I always scratched my head about was missionaries in the mission in Costa Rica making comments about "Mexicans." Being from Georgia, and a convert, I had tons to learn about Utah culture. After living there, I understand it, and it was probably an innocuous comment by someone who has never thought about racism in a meaningful way. But, my reaction would've jumpstarted that conversation.
    My family came to get me in Argentina. They still don't understand why I got so upset at them when they referred to the people there as Mexicans. I had to explain to them that most of the people there had more in common with Italians and Germans than they did Mexicans.
    Last edited by utebehindenemylines; 03-04-2013 at 01:02 PM.

  9. #9
    Uniform Fashion Expert HuskyFreeNorthwest's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wuapinmon View Post
    One thing I always scratched my head about was missionaries in the mission in Costa Rica making comments about "Mexicans." Being from Georgia, and a convert, I had tons to learn about Utah culture. After living there, I understand it,
    When you think about racist places, Georgia ranks very low and Utah very high. At least in terms of Hispanic racism. I am sure the Georgians (all Southerners really) that have historically treated African-Americans with such love and respect extend that to people of Latino decent. I had never looked at it like that before.

    The strange thing is that I've actually heard disparaging comments about Hispanics here in Oregon, from non-LDS people. So you might want to warn the South that Utah's vile racism will infect that great area of love and tolerance no matter how many mobs rage or armies assemble.

  10. #10

    I learned in Church today

    Today I learned that the Westfield MA library is NOT very good. Hi all I am new to the group, and thought that I would introduce myself by posting to a couple of the threads in which I was interested. Look forward to getting to know all of you

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by GeorgeSer View Post
    Today I learned that the Westfield MA library is NOT very good. Hi all I am new to the group, and thought that I would introduce myself by posting to a couple of the threads in which I was interested. Look forward to getting to know all of you

    Agreed! The Westfield library is garbage! I went there looking for a Louis La'mour novel. The librarian told me they didn't have any! What a jerkface!

  12. #12
    Living in the past ... FMCoug's Avatar
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    Finally got one. We are hearing a testimony of the Lone Peak basketball team and their national exposure as a missionary tool.

  13. #13
    Year to Date record in my ward for most participants in a baby blessing: 15
    Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.

  14. #14

    Giving a squirrel a blessing

    We have a real interesting lady in our ward. She claimed that she and her husband were walking one day in the forest and saw a squirrel with both of its back legs broken. She told her husband to go heal the squirrel and wouldn't you know, the squirrel got up and ran away into the woods after the laying on of hands. Not certain if the squirrel thanked them afterwards.

    This is the same lady that 15 months ago, compared Santa to Satan in front of the congregation and outed Santa Claus in front of lots of young kids. This lady is real interesting person to put in mildly.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Woody View Post
    We have a real interesting lady in our ward. She claimed that she and her husband were walking one day in the forest and saw a squirrel with both of its back legs broken. She told her husband to go heal the squirrel and wouldn't you know, the squirrel got up and ran away into the woods after the laying on of hands. Not certain if the squirrel thanked them afterwards.

    This is the same lady that 15 months ago, compared Santa to Satan in front of the congregation and outed Santa Claus in front of lots of young kids. This lady is real interesting person to put in mildly.
    We had someone out Santa in church this last year. Thankfully there wasn't a kid in the congregation paying an ounce of attention, but the uncomfortable shifting going on by adults with Santa-aged children was priceless.

  16. #16
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    I learned that in the hands of the right pianist and arranger, and with the right vocalist, even the most familiar church hymn can be sublime. In this case it was "Joseph Smith's First Prayer."

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  17. #17
    I learned that the first church meetings in the log cabin must have been just like "the circus where they cram 56 Mexican's into a VW bug."

  18. #18
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    I learned that Easter Sunday can produce a great sacrament meeting if the right people are in charge and they put lots of talent and love and spirit into it.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  19. #19
    Message Board Vagabond UteBeliever aka Port's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sancho View Post
    I can't remember a time when Easter failed to produce a great sacrament meeting, though our choir for some reason I don't understand sang "For the Beauty of the Earth" instead of an Easter hymn.
    Today, ours was a bit odd but okay. They had to departing missionaries talk today. It was for both of them the "not a farewell" Sunday.

    They both spoke, at least briefly, on the Atonement.

    The only part of it I did not like was that both talks veered a bit into the realm of them talking about their preparations for their missions and the typical "farewell" stuff.

    The ward choir sang a couple of numbers. It was nice.

    But there was this odd kind of dynamic. Like you were pairing two things that didn't necessarily work out well together.

    But it was Easter. I don't understand why the Bishopric didn't do this last Sunday.

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by sancho View Post
    Yeah, funny. Easter and xmas are two holidays that are pretty hard to screw up. On the opposite end of the spectrum you have Mother's Day and the 4th of July, the two holiday sacrament meetings guaranteed to offend somebody in the congregation.
    Our stake decided to have fast Sunday today... that is one way to screw it up.

  21. #21
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocker Ute View Post
    Our stake decided to have fast Sunday today... that is one way to screw it up.
    We talked our SP into letting us do an Easter program today. It worked out well.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  22. #22
    I learned that the prophets give us stupid rules to see if wwe will be obedient. If you get rid of your two sets of earrings it shows that you are obedient.

    "Sometimes god gives rules with no purpose only to see if we will obedient"



    Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk 2
    "Be a philosopher. A man can compromise to gain a point. It has become apparent that a man can, within limits, follow his inclinations within the arms of the Church if he does so discreetly." - The Walking Drum

    "And here’s what life comes down to—not how many years you live, but how many of those years are filled with bullshit that doesn’t amount to anything to satisfy the requirements of some dickhead you’ll never get the pleasure of punching in the face." – Adam Carolla

  23. #23
    I noticed in church that the byu people and the Oregon people were very, very quiet today. Does anyone have an idea as to why this was so?
    Desse jeito, não tem jeito.

  24. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by San Diego Ute Fan View Post
    I noticed in church that the byu people and the Oregon people were very, very quiet today. Does anyone have an idea as to why this was so?
    It was because I had a headache.

  25. #25
    I learned that the whole "mission farewell" scene may be the most eternal thing about the church. Still a lot of kids showing up making the meeting something it's not supposed to be, including boys being a little too rowdy for the meeting and girls who are dressed a little not quite right for church in one last attempt to catch the outgoing missionary's eye. Still people making the "oops, we made too many treats and need people to come over and help us eat them after the meeting" joke. Still one of the most spiritual and heartfelt meetings in the church, even with all the accompanying cheesiness.

  26. #26
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    An interesting Patheos blog post on Greek Orthodox Easter traditions.

    Greek Easter or: How I Learned to Stop Whining and Love Traditions


    Growing up, we didn’t have many holiday traditions. The only thing we always did was go to both my dad’s parents’ house and then my mom’s parents’ house.... But the one thing we never had was a Grand Dinner. You know what I mean? The kind that is preceded by days of preparation and anticipation, where tablecloths are laid and candles are lit and traditional foods are served and if anything is forgotten or changed the whole family acts like catastrophe has struck? Yeah. That wasn’t my family.


    Then I married into that family, and holidays became a whole new experience....

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  27. #27
    Sexy Cougar SoCalCoug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mormon Red Death View Post
    I learned that the prophets give us stupid rules to see if wwe will be obedient. If you get rid of your two sets of earrings it shows that you are obedient.

    "Sometimes god gives rules with no purpose only to see if we will obedient"
    I'm going to try that with my kids. Should be effective.

  28. #28
    I had no idea this thread existed! LOVE IT!

    On Sunday, I learned (again) that men are inferior to women and that men need to step up.

    Our sunday school teacher had her husband leave her and the kids many years ago. I am truly sorry she had to go through that. But give me a break! Every time she teaches Sunday School it turns into "you men need to really be better at............" whatever the topic of the day is, it ALWAYS turns into something she can use to further her anti-men agenda. Look, Im married, I have a small child, I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but you know what? I try. Just like 95% of LDS men. She is the best at derailing her own lessons with her agenda. Often, its just "you men think you are so cool because you have the priesthood!? Well you ARENT! God gave you that Priesthood because women already have things figured out!" ALWAYS talks in blanket statements like that with no caveats that "yeah some women are lousy and some men figure it out" nothing.

    Rant over, for now.

  29. #29
    Quote Originally Posted by UtahsMrSports View Post
    I had no idea this thread existed! LOVE IT!

    On Sunday, I learned (again) that men are inferior to women and that men need to step up.

    Our sunday school teacher had her husband leave her and the kids many years ago. I am truly sorry she had to go through that. But give me a break! Every time she teaches Sunday School it turns into "you men need to really be better at............" whatever the topic of the day is, it ALWAYS turns into something she can use to further her anti-men agenda. Look, Im married, I have a small child, I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but you know what? I try. Just like 95% of LDS men. She is the best at derailing her own lessons with her agenda. Often, its just "you men think you are so cool because you have the priesthood!? Well you ARENT! God gave you that Priesthood because women already have things figured out!" ALWAYS talks in blanket statements like that with no caveats that "yeah some women are lousy and some men figure it out" nothing.

    Rant over, for now.
    Yeah I'd be finding a new class... or my son would suddenly require some assistance in nursery every week.

  30. #30
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UtahsMrSports View Post
    I had no idea this thread existed! LOVE IT!

    On Sunday, I learned (again) that men are inferior to women and that men need to step up.

    Our sunday school teacher had her husband leave her and the kids many years ago. I am truly sorry she had to go through that. But give me a break! Every time she teaches Sunday School it turns into "you men need to really be better at............" whatever the topic of the day is, it ALWAYS turns into something she can use to further her anti-men agenda. Look, Im married, I have a small child, I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but you know what? I try. Just like 95% of LDS men. She is the best at derailing her own lessons with her agenda. Often, its just "you men think you are so cool because you have the priesthood!? Well you ARENT! God gave you that Priesthood because women already have things figured out!" ALWAYS talks in blanket statements like that with no caveats that "yeah some women are lousy and some men figure it out" nothing.

    Rant over, for now.
    What? You don't think the SS teacher should be confessing the sins of the class members?

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

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