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Thread: I learned in Church today

  1. #601
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    Funny. That was my exact response.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sullyute View Post
    LOL, the irony! How close is your number or name to his wife's? Too funny.
    Now that I think about it, yesterday was his wife's birthday...

    It was actually a group text. Also included was the EQ president of the neighboring ward who I'm blaming for starting this mess when he sent out a Happy Thanksgiving text of a turkey gobbler that looked suspiciously like a set of testicles. Doctors are perverts.

  2. #602
    Doctors are tech challenged too.

  3. #603
    "That is delicious to the taste, and very desirable!".

  4. #604
    "We desire all to receive it."

  5. #605
    "Strength in the loins ..."

  6. #606
    (If it was enormous) "How did you get that picture of me?"

  7. #607
    (If it is 'dimunitive') "Shrinkage!"

  8. #608
    Unless it was diseased, gigantic, or microscopic, it was his and it was a mistake.

  9. #609
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jrj84105 View Post
    Unless it was diseased, gigantic, or microscopic, it was his and it was a mistake.
    Seriously. I mean, who does that? What a brainless thing to do.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  10. #610
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    Seriously. I mean, who does that? What a brainless thing to do.
    No kidding. At a minimum he needs to be embarrassed over it.

    Maybe have him watch this interview of Edward Snowden by John Oliver, especially the part where he describes what happens to a dick pic that gets texted to another person. Hint: it goes offshore, then routes through the government servers when it returns. It then is evaluated for content and retained (at the new server farm in Utah, perhaps?).

    Note: some nsfw language.

    Relevant portion:


    Full segment (well worth watching):
    Last edited by NorthwestUteFan; 06-26-2015 at 10:40 AM.

  11. #611
    "Hey, why did you just send me a picture of your dick?"

    "Because I love America, that's why."

  12. #612
    The church expanded their online donations today. I'm not sure how widespread the rollout is. We got an email that our Ward is included. Very good system, designed to make things simple. It even shows you your donation history for this year and last.
    Dyslexics of the world, untie!

  13. #613
    Last week we had a HC guy. This week we had another. He said he was sick last month, so he came yesterday to make up for it.
    Thanks dude......

    Extremely boring and blow-hardy take on Oaks' talk on priesthood (the one that addressed the OW movement).
    At the end he said that TSM is the prophet for today, and that if we want to return to God, we should follow the example of his life and pattern ours after his.
    Well, that woke me up.

    How's the best way to combat this shit? In class I could always raise my hand and offer a comment, however, my sunbeams usually don't say things this stupid. They usually just ask more another piece of paper or more crackers.
    The leader-worship is something that really irks me. I know, I need to get over it, but at the same time I think it's extremely unhealthy.

  14. #614
    Quote Originally Posted by Brian View Post
    Last week we had a HC guy. This week we had another. He said he was sick last month, so he came yesterday to make up for it.
    Thanks dude......

    Extremely boring and blow-hardy take on Oaks' talk on priesthood (the one that addressed the OW movement).
    At the end he said that TSM is the prophet for today, and that if we want to return to God, we should follow the example of his life and pattern ours after his.
    Well, that woke me up.

    How's the best way to combat this shit? In class I could always raise my hand and offer a comment, however, my sunbeams usually don't say things this stupid. They usually just ask more another piece of paper or more crackers.
    The leader-worship is something that really irks me. I know, I need to get over it, but at the same time I think it's extremely unhealthy.
    WWTSMD?

    If we all follow that, there will be a lot more visitors to sick people in hospitals and shut-in widows.
    Dyslexics of the world, untie!

  15. #615
    Quote Originally Posted by Brian View Post
    Last week we had a HC guy. This week we had another. He said he was sick last month, so he came yesterday to make up for it.
    Thanks dude......

    Extremely boring and blow-hardy take on Oaks' talk on priesthood (the one that addressed the OW movement).
    At the end he said that TSM is the prophet for today, and that if we want to return to God, we should follow the example of his life and pattern ours after his.
    Well, that woke me up.

    How's the best way to combat this shit? In class I could always raise my hand and offer a comment, however, my sunbeams usually don't say things this stupid. They usually just ask more another piece of paper or more crackers.
    The leader-worship is something that really irks me. I know, I need to get over it, but at the same time I think it's extremely unhealthy.
    What is there to combat? Your eternity is in no way determined by those who want to pattern their lives after a general authority. My daughter was asked to give a talk this past Sunday based on a general conference talk from last October that was not her favorite (or mine). There were some statements in the talk that she found difficult. Her husband gave her some good advice. Go through the talk and cross out every part that you don't like and then base your talk on what is left. I kind of do that at church each Sunday. Most of the time I cross out a few things. Sometimes I block out an entire talk or lesson. But for the most part I can find something that I agree with and that inspires me to be a better husband, father, son, friend and neighbor.

  16. #616
    My mission president had his son leave the church before he became mission president. He left saying, "If this is Christ's church how come the only time I hear his name is at the end of prayers." He admitted that sometimes this is right, more than we realize.

    He counseled that in everything we spoke about or taught we should tie it into and testify of Christ and if we couldn't do that, it probably was not correct doctrine or didn't need to be said. Good advice.

    Since then, no matter the assigned subject I tie it into Christ. If someone else is blathering on I do it in my head on their behalf.

    Amazing how the nonsense melts away when you do that and people invariable love what is being spoken about.

  17. #617
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocker Ute View Post
    My mission president had his son leave the church before he became mission president. He left saying, "If this is Christ's church how come the only time I hear his name is at the end of prayers." He admitted that sometimes this is right, more than we realize.

    He counseled that in everything we spoke about or taught we should tie it into and testify of Christ and if we couldn't do that, it probably was not correct doctrine or didn't need to be said. Good advice.

    Since then, no matter the assigned subject I tie it into Christ.

    Amazing how the nonsense melts away when you do that and people invariable love what is being spoken about.
    Great approach. In our stake all high councilors have been instructed to do this going forward, and bishops have been instructed that all sacrament meeting talk assignments should include that same guidance. That should help.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  18. #618
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sancho View Post
    It's a good reminder that we are given periodically, but the "problem" is overblown. If Rocker's mission president's son wants to say he left the Church because of too many talks about tithing, that's his right. But it's only an excuse. We are all capable of taking a Pioneer Day talk that doesn't happen to quote from the New Testament and make the tiny leap of logic required to understand why it is relevant to us as Christians. You can't belong to the Mormon Church for long without seeing how Christ-centered it is. We can keep that and still sing "Praise to the Man" every once in a while.
    I just don't think it's that hard to tie any gospel topic into the atonement. I think that is the direction the church is going. Take alook at last fall's GC talks.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  19. #619
    Quote Originally Posted by sancho View Post
    ......We can keep that and still sing "Praise to the Man" every once in a while.
    Ugh.....I want to tear my ears off when that one rotates around.
    “Children and dogs are as necessary to the welfare of the country as Wall Street and the railroads.” -- Harry S. Truman

    "You never soar so high as when you stoop down to help a child or an animal." -- Jewish Proverb

    "Three-time Pro Bowler Eric Weddle the most versatile, and maybe most intelligent, safety in the game." -- SI, 9/7/15, p. 107.

  20. #620
    Quote Originally Posted by mUUser View Post
    Ugh.....I want to tear my ears off when that one rotates around.
    Next time just sing "Scotland The Brave".

    "Hark, when the night is falling
    Hear, hear the pipes are calling
    Loudly and Proudly calling down through the glen
    There where the hills are sleeping
    Now feel the blood a-leaping
    High as the spirits of the old Highland men!

    Towering in gallant fame
    Scotland my mountain hame
    High may your proud standards gloriously wave!

    Land o'er the high endeavour
    Land o' the shining river
    Land o'er my heart forever,
    Scotland the Brave!"

  21. #621
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    I guess this belongs here. I thinks it's painfully hilarious:


    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  22. #622
    I just enjoyed a 10 minute talk about Cinderella, where clearly the person believed she was a real person. Tearfully she recounted the sheer isolation that was so extreme she befriended rodents and humbly acknowledged that she personally lacked the capacity to do the same.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  23. #623
    Trek recap Sunday. Too much "ma" and "pa" for my palate.

  24. #624
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocker Ute View Post
    I just enjoyed a 10 minute talk about Cinderella, where clearly the person believed she was a real person. Tearfully she recounted the sheer isolation that was so extreme she befriended rodents and humbly acknowledged that she personally lacked the capacity to do the same.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    This is brilliant. I need to bring more non-fictionilized fiction (not just the church history kind) into my talks and lessons.

  25. #625
    I forgot to mention this a few weeks back. The text for the primary program was a little surprising. I don't remember the exact wording, but it said "J.S. used the U&T to translate the book of mormon. He also used a chocolate colored seer stone."

    A 6 year old was saying this, and it was funny hearing her have to struggle through saying Urim and Thumim. Did anyone else remember hearing that line? Or was it just our program?

  26. #626
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian View Post
    I forgot to mention this a few weeks back. The text for the primary program was a little surprising. I don't remember the exact wording, but it said "J.S. used the U&T to translate the book of mormon. He also used a chocolate colored seer stone."

    A 6 year old was saying this, and it was funny hearing her have to struggle through saying Urim and Thumim. Did anyone else remember hearing that line? Or was it just our program?
    I think it was mocha colored.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  27. #627
    Quote Originally Posted by Brian View Post
    I forgot to mention this a few weeks back. The text for the primary program was a little surprising. I don't remember the exact wording, but it said "J.S. used the U&T to translate the book of mormon. He also used a chocolate colored seer stone."

    A 6 year old was saying this, and it was funny hearing her have to struggle through saying Urim and Thumim. Did anyone else remember hearing that line? Or was it just our program?
    Any mentions of a hat? Are these programs correlated? I've never worked in the primary and I guess I just assumed that speaking parts for these things were written by the primary presidency and approved by the bishop. Of course this doesn't mesh with how the church does anything else, but I was holding out hope.

    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    I think it was mocha colored.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Only because it was before the WOW.

  28. #628
    Quote Originally Posted by Dwight Schr-Ute View Post
    Any mentions of a hat? Are these programs correlated? I've never worked in the primary and I guess I just assumed that speaking parts for these things were written by the primary presidency and approved by the bishop. Of course this doesn't mesh with how the church does anything else, but I was holding out hope.



    Only because it was before the WOW.

    I thought the script came from SLC and they modified it for the number of kids, etc. I can guarantee our Primary President wouldn't have put that in...


    Mocha.... Good one.

  29. #629
    Sam the Sheepdog LA Ute's Avatar
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    Nothing like that came up in our primary program. I don't think there are scripts. FWIW.

    BTW, I am reading Richard Lloyd Anderson's book, "Investigating the Book of Mormon Witnesses" (from about 1970, I think). It's pretty interesting and there's quite a bit about the seer stone, which is treated pretty matter-of-factly. I really am not sure any effort was made to keep the stone's existence secret or to downplay it. JS said hardly anything to anyone about the translation process, it seems, perhaps because, as Givens has written, Joseph thought the fact of the Book of Mormon's existence was the important thing. He didn't even teach out of it much. He wanted people to read it and determine whether they believed it was true.

    I don't mean to threadjack, your post just reminded me of Anderson's book.

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
    --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold."
    --Yeats

    “True, we [lawyers] build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures - unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men's burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.”

    --John W. Davis, founder of Davis Polk & Wardwell

  30. #630
    Quote Originally Posted by LA Ute View Post
    Nothing like that came up in our primary program. I don't think there are scripts. FWIW.

    BTW, I am reading Richard Lloyd Anderson's book, "Investigating the Book of Mormon Witnesses" (from about 1970, I think). It's pretty interesting and there's quite a bit about the seer stone, which is treated pretty matter-of-factly. I really am not sure any effort was made to keep the stone's existence secret or to downplay it. JS said hardly anything to anyone about the translation process, it seems, perhaps because, as Givens has written, Joseph thought the fact of the Book of Mormon's existence was the important thing. He didn't even teach out of it much. He wanted people to read it and determine whether they believed it was true.

    I don't mean to threadjack, your post just reminded me of Anderson's book.
    Interesting....
    Nothing wrong with it, I just thought it was kind of amusing hearing it from a 6 year old. Especially listening to her during practice as the teacher sounded it out one syllable at a time.

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